Embracing Curiosity: A Path to Understanding

Why Curiosity Matters More Than Control

I believe behavior is communication. Instead of asking, “How do I stop this?” we should ask, “What’s my child’s brain and body telling me right now?”

Mona Delahooke reminds us in Brain-Body Parenting, “Challenging behaviors are the tip of the iceberg. The nervous system beneath the surface drives what we see.”

Curiosity opens the door to:

• Seeing stress, not just “bad behavior.”

• Responding with empathy instead of punishment.

• Supporting growth instead of enforcing compliance.

  
  

When we get curious, we shift from control to connection.

The Neuroscience Behind Curiosity

From a brain perspective, curiosity is regulation.

• The amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) quiets when kids feel seen.

• The prefrontal cortex (home of executive functioning) comes back online when kids feel safe.

• Dopamine (the motivation chemical) spikes when kids feel engaged and understood.

  
  

My favorite Minneapolis-based anxiety expert, Dr. Kathryn Hecht, emphasizes that resilience comes not from erasing stress but from learning how to work with it. Curiosity helps kids practice resilience in real time.

What Curiosity Looks Like in Practice

Curiosity doesn’t mean permissiveness. Boundaries matter. But instead of rigid control, offer responsive boundaries.

Instead of: “Stop whining. You know better.”

Try: “I hear that homework feels big. What part feels hardest right now?”

Instead of: “You’re being disrespectful. Go to your room.”

Try: “I can’t let you yell at me, but I want to know what’s underneath that frustration.”

Instead of: “Why can’t you ever just listen?”

Try: “Looks like your brain is stuck. Do you want a break or a buddy to help get started?”

This is curiosity paired with boundaries—firm and kind.

How This Connects to Growth Mindset

When we respond with curiosity, kids learn that mistakes and meltdowns aren’t failures—they’re chances to grow. Carol Dweck’s amazing research shows that a growth mindset thrives in environments where effort and learning matter more than perfection.

Curiosity says: “You’re still learning. And I’m here to help.”

Practical Strategies to Foster Curiosity

Create a Safe Space for Questions

Encourage your child to ask questions. Make it clear that no question is too silly. This creates an environment where they feel safe to express themselves.

Model Curiosity Yourself

Show your child how to be curious. Share your own questions and thoughts. For example, if you’re puzzled by something, say, “I wonder why that happens?” This can inspire them to think in a similar way.

Use Open-Ended Questions

Instead of yes or no questions, ask open-ended ones. For instance, “What do you think about this story?” This encourages deeper thinking and exploration.

Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results

Acknowledge your child's efforts, even if they don’t succeed. This reinforces the idea that trying is valuable. Celebrate small victories together.

The Role of Empathy in Curiosity

Empathy is a crucial part of curiosity. When we empathize, we connect with our child’s feelings. This connection fosters a sense of safety. When children feel safe, they are more likely to express themselves.

Listening Actively

Practice active listening. This means giving your full attention when your child speaks. Nod, make eye contact, and respond thoughtfully. This shows them that their thoughts matter.

Validate Their Feelings

Acknowledge your child’s feelings. You might say, “It’s okay to feel frustrated. Let’s talk about it.” This validation can help them process their emotions.

Building Resilience Through Curiosity

Curiosity helps children build resilience. When they encounter challenges, they learn to approach them with an open mind. They become problem solvers rather than feeling defeated.

Encourage Problem-Solving

When your child faces a challenge, ask them how they might solve it. This encourages them to think critically and creatively.

Share Stories of Resilience

Share stories of people who faced challenges and overcame them. This can inspire your child and show them that setbacks are a part of life.

Conclusion: A Journey of Discovery

The next time your child’s behavior feels like a battle, pause and ask yourself one question: “What might be going on beneath the surface?”

Even if you don’t have the answer, asking the question shifts you from control to curiosity. And that shift might just help your child shift, too.

Curiosity is a powerful tool. It opens doors to understanding and connection. Together, we can create a nurturing environment where children feel empowered to explore their world.

Let’s embrace curiosity and embark on this journey of discovery together!